Five years!

This post is something a little bit different, but a milestone that I definitely wanted to take a moment and reflect on.

This past Sunday was the five year anniversary of my first weigh in logged in My Fitness Pal, which  marked the beginning of a process that continues today and has entirely transformed my life. I am less than half the person I was back then... there aren't a lot of pictures available, least of all full body shots, but I have managed to find a couple that I occasionally look at to reflect on where I've been:

My MIL always insists on photos when we visit

Dressed up as the Ninth Doctor

Five Halloweens later, I look like this:

And when I'm not in costume, I look like this:

There really aren't too many pictures of me in everyday clothes, but I think you get the idea.

I fully acknowledge that I am basically an entirely different person. What I wear - very different. What I eat - very different. What I do in my free time - very very different. My entire attitude and approach towards life has changed. Before I was extremely hesitant about trying new things, was a pretty picky eater, and didn't feel like I could succeed at much of anything. Pretty much all of that is different now - I know my limits, but I seek out new experiences and do things simply because I haven't tried them before all the time. I'm at least a moderate professional success, and my personal life is pretty awesome, too! My palate has expanded considerably (though I still love a lot of the same junky stuff as before) and there are only a couple of items on my 'do not want' list of foods. I'll try basically anything and don't spend nearly as much time picking out random bits of perfectly edible food that I "don't like" out of dishes. Yes, I count calories - I have a food scale in my kitchen that's never going to go anywhere, and a scale that I stand on pretty much every morning to get a sense of where I am. That scale (and this blog, and every time I step out the door with my running shoes on) is a constant reinforcement that heck yes I can do difficult things and succeed - look at all the things I've accomplished in the past few years!

I actually hit "goal weight" (the top of a goal range I set for myself) last summer - July 1, 2016. I eased into maintenance and got to my lowest weight ever at the beginning of September before entering into a binge spiral that lasted several months and left me with almost forty pounds to re-lose before my first half marathon in May of 2017. I got down to about fifteen pounds above goal weight by cutting calories while training too hard, got injured, started eating without tracking yet again, and gained back fifteen or so pounds. That left me at thirty pounds above goal at the beginning of my next training cycle - not what I wanted, but you work with what you've got!

I've managed to shed almost all of it this time around and I'm approaching the end of another training cycle, this time without injury as I've been quite careful about taking things pretty easy - I was definitely running too hard before. Before my 10K last week I was within four pounds of goal, but in order to make sure I was properly fueled for that effort I switched to maintenance calories (plus one inevitable day of race/travel eating that I basically always anticipate at this point) and I'm now eating at a deficit, but a smaller one, for another week or so before switching to full maintenance in prep for the half. I'm in the right range but still not quite at goal. That's fine with me - I feel more in control right now than I have in a long time. The scale's gonna do what it's gonna do, but math is on my side. I've gotten a lot of practice at the controlled chaos that is everyday eating lately, it feels like - some days you just wanna splurge, and that's fine as long as you don't let it push you over the cliff of disordered eating and get back to your normal routine the next day instead of letting one day turn into two, two into a week, weeks into months, and so on. I'm optimistic that I'll be back at goal soon, even if I can't go at it in full "two pounds a week" mode. It's better for me this way, and better for my other goals as well.

I don't plan on taking much of a break between this training cycle and the next. I'm looking forward to what 2018 brings and what I can accomplish. But sometimes it's nice to look back and celebrate the milestones that got you there, too.